5 bars where to get wasted this Saturday

1. Rock Bar Mother, Shinjuku, Tokyo, Japan

A tiny bar with larger than life character. The bar functions on two principles: darkness and songs on demand. Here's how it works: Every time you order a drink, you get to order two songs from the eclectic and oh so amusing music catalog. As the bar is kept pitch black, it is impossible to read the song lists, so to get your order you have to use a light pointer pen to browse through the catalog. The cheepest way to get drunk is to drink white house wine but if you are not a big fan of vinegar, you might like to stick to Asahi.

Extra bonus: Hanoi Rocks posters in the tiny bathroom.

2. Schwarzes Cafe, Berlin

This bar's claim to fame are its opening hours: it's open 24 hours a day. After once researching the bar's extensive drinks menu for 14 hours, I can say without any hesitation that Warsteiner definitely is a decent beer.

3. Malay Tubay, El Nido, Palawan, Philippines

My favourite bar in the whole world. Cover bands that don't make you itch and Red Horse beer that never runs out, served in a homey environment. I'm sure that not everyone gets the greatness of this bar but I simply love it. Perfect after a day of snorkelling and island hopping. Second street from the beach, Western end, off the main drag. Praised earlier here.

4. Loekie's, Arambol, Goa, India

The good old Loekie's! After going there for both breakfast and lunch you might as well get hammered at dinner - where else would you really want to go in stuffy Arambol? After the first day's initiation routine is performed, beers will appear magically on your favorite table as soon as you enter the bar again. Upon leaving Arambol the friendly Loekie's guys might be wiling to give you a free lift to the bus stop on the main road.

5. Kallion Kulma, Exodus and Kallion hovi, Helsinki, Finland

If you've always wanted to know how drunk is it humanly possible to get and still get served alcohol then Kallio, the nowadays trendy neighborhood of Helsinki, is the right address. These days Kallio hosts a range of loungy fish bowl bars but fortunately they have not put the cheapies out of business. All the above mentioned bars sell pints for 3 euros or under and there are many more, regocnizable by people passed out or throwing up near the entrance. Here's what happened last night:

A) In Kallion Kulma a plumpy mother of four asked me for directions to Exodus, a reggae bar on the other side of the street, best known for the coppers raiding it monthly for drugs. Fortunately she was in no hurry to get there so I had the pleasure of being let in on her son's collar bone injury, which put an end to his glorious future as an Olympic gold medalist in javelin.

B) I found some rare raw talent in a guy who sneezed so heavily that the table in front of him got wet. And he repeated it ten times! Thunder!

C) A dude so drunk he was falling all over the place attacked a contributing author to this blog for absolutely no reason. Of course the drunk got smashed.

D) A toughened ex-convict, also extremely drunk, gave me a lesson on how hard it must be for a young woman to be considered male.

E) A drunk woman sitting at Kallion Kulma's terrace offered entertainment money can't buy by first puking, then dropping her pack of cigs to the fresh pool and then finally picking up the vomit dripping cigs as nothing had happened.

F) Getting to experience all this only cost me about 18 euros. What a bargain!

5+2 alcoholic drinks you could try this weekend

1. Disco Gin, India. The blinding cousin of Bombay Sapphire smells like catfish and boasts a rare oily texture. No mixer in the world will soften the blow. Dance steps recommended when you have to make a run for the bathroom.

2. Dynasty, China. This red wine can be distinguished by its unique bouquet which gives a whole new meaning to the word "stale". The imaginative makers of this wine must have been inspired by the dryness of the Gobi desert and the thinness of the finest rice paper. There is no way Dynasty could be served in France without the sommelier facing 2 years behind bars. Thank God it used to be so expensive one could only afford it once.

3. Bia Hoi, Vietnam. As featured in Wikipedia: "The beer is brewed daily and each bar gets a fresh batch delivered every day in plastic jugs. It is a very light (~3% alcohol) refreshing lager at a fraction of the cost of draft or bottled beer in the Western-style bars. Bia Hơi production is informal and not monitored by any health agency." Best to be consumed in gallons (in the pic on the left) while sitting on kid's sized plastic chairs by the road side. Taste, texture, and smell vary from endearing to somewhat odd.

4. Cachaça, Brazil. This rum like liquor made from fermented sugarcane juice is best known as the basis of the popular drink caipirinha. Should you like to be different this weekend try this: Buy the cheapest bottle of Cachaça somewhere in the vicinity of Rio de Janeiro's slums. Carry it to your home country. Consume it like the Brazilian alchies, straight and luke warm. Bonus prize: There's a fair chance that you'll pass out in the subway.

5. Slivovitz, the Balkans. If consumption of this plum brandy is began in early teen years, chances are that by the age of 14 the future bum can boast a skin free of zits and his first wrinkles the following year. It's also known from Swedish musical contest Melodifestivalen, where the brilliant group Andra Generationen performed a song called "Kebabpizza Slivovitza."

+ 1 Red Horse, Philippines. I've praised the world's most sympathetic beer earlier here.

+ 2 KLB Rasberry Wheat, Ontario, Canada. I wrote about a travel disaster related to world's most refreshing beer here.

Where to go - some fresh ideas for travel

Where to go after traveling the usual suspects? Here are some new ideas I came up with surfing the net while recovering from a Monday night drinking binge yesterday.

1. Samar and Leyte in the Eastern Visayas, Philippines.

Why: I could use a Red Horse* beer.

The general idea: Buy a motorbike, tricycle or a Filipino style used jeepney that says "Jesus is with me" on the sides and "Guns'n'Roses" on the front and tour these relatively little known islands.

Jeepney, the way to go.

2. Bangladesh.

Why: A detox in muslim country might be welcome.

The general idea: See the Sundarbans sanctuary for tigers, well known for the fact that a person (usually a honey collector) is eaten alive by a tiger every third day. The tourists still claim of course that it's hard to catch a glimpse of one. I can't wait to join their doomsday choir.

3. Papua New Guinea.

Why: The country has a population of 6.25 million. They vote for 45 different political parties and speak 800 different languages.

The general idea:

a) Travel to Wabag. Claim to fame according to the LP: "People sit around a lot."

b) Travel to Wewak. Claim to fame: The Japanese Peace Memorial park, locally referred to as Pis Park. I guess those 800 languages don't help with English pronunciation.

c). Travel to Wau and Bulolo. Claim to fame: Insect Farming and Trading Agency which ships locally collected insects and butterflies to collectors around the world. And I once thought I didn't have a life. I was mistaken.

*If Red Horse is not the most sympathetic beer in the world then I am the queen of Cambodia. The trick with Red Horse is that every casque of twelve beers has one bottle of Happy Horse, which has a slightly different label - the horse figure on the bottle is smiling. And of course it's a little stronger than the average horse.

How to save money: 7 tips before the trip

How to save money and piss your friends off by being cheap - this is the tedious girl's guide to budgeting.

1. Release your inner hippy immaterialist and sell your stuff. So far I've made 200 euros out of my books, 700 euros out of my cd's and vinyl singles and a few bucks out of the few clothing items that were designer wear. Money I made equals three months in India or two in South East Asia.

2. Lock up your inner bored-to-death materialist and stop buying stuff. It's surprisingly easy and actually quite releaving as you can now pass by all the sale signs without thinking that you should go in and buy something because it's cheap. In the last 7 months I've only bought stuff that I'll take along for the trip. These are:

- New Osprey Waypoint 80 backpack: bought online from a store in Germany. I don't speak German, but if you really want something and the price is right, you'll manage it even if you have to file the order in German. Cost: 219 €

- Haglöfs sleaping bag from a summer sale. Cost: 40 €

- Haglöfs fleece (have mercy on me) from a summer sale. Cost: 70 €

- A mozzie net bought online. Cost: 0 € - cheers daddy-o!

- Samsung NC 10 laptop. Cost: 330 €

3. Cut the food costs. Don't eat out or cook meals for which you would have to buy ingredients such as exotic spices. You won't have enough use for them in the future. Bugger off with diets and eat pasta. See mom and dad a lot.

4. Cut the cost of drinking. Try staying at home on Fridays, Saturdays and all the other days. If it's too hard then stick to beer. I of course saved a billion this way.

5. Never ever say no when asked to work overtime. I've done this once in the past two years and that was because I had promised to meet up with a friend who had just started going out again after an arduous row of cancer treatments. So it was kind of special.

6. Say goodbye to your hairdresser. Now every day is a bad hair day but it could be worse, like I could be a leper. And hey, even Madonna has been spotted with multi-inch roots. Over the past 7 months I've saved 400 euros which, again, equals a month in India.

7. This one is truly tedious but do start keeping a diary of your expenses. Set yourself a weekly budget and stick to it. When buying that one beer, bear in mind that it always takes you 5 euros closer to your weekly limit. In case of the 6th beer, mourn the next morning and promise yourself you'll never ever do this again.

The source of mourning.

Top 10: The most common questions people ask, when they hear about you leaving

1. Obvious: Where are you going to go?

2. Surprising: Did you think about this for long or did you just decide all of a sudden that instead of going to work next Monday, you are going to travel around the world?

3. Perfect: Can I come and see you?

4. Bland: Did you win a lottery?

5. The next best: Do we still have time to have a few beers one evening before you go?

6. Clever: Can I have your apartment?

7. Endearing: When's your farewell party?

8. Practical: How much is this trip going to cost?

9. Insightful: Can I write a feature article on you after you've been stoned in Goa for 11 months?

10. Random: What? Again?

10 Do's Before Leaving Home, part I

1. Ride a tram through your old neighborhood just to know if it has changed since you moved out. Be sorry for the fact that the lovely oriental food store that used to be downstairs your flat is now gone but the office for the organisation for people with prostate problems, which used to be such a lovely welcoming to your guests in your single days, is still there.

2. Become a computer geek after purchasing a tiny Samsung NC10 for writing a blog. Learn to skype and to compare virus detection programs which you never had to worry in your carefree days as a happy Maccer.

3. Find freedom from materia by selling everything you can in order to increase your budget. After your enlightenment do look down on everyone who shops for stuff they are unlikely to ever really need and preach them about the effects on environment that their excessive consumption is bound to have.

4. Wonder if you've become a pompous hippy ass after blowing hundreds of euros on a new Osprey Waypoint W80 pack (it's amazing), hiking gear (seriously, I'm going to use that Haglöfs fleece and that Puma shirt will look nice when having a few beers after a hike (to the nearest bar?)), a new computer, vaccinations for the most unlikely but impressive sounding diseases (well, a hippy would never get vaccinated for Japanese encephalitis, that's why they are called hippies, right?) and so on. Decide againt it.

5. Meet all kinds of mindless trolls as you look for the perfect tenant to take care of your upkeep when you finally are on the road by submitting their rent on time every month. When you finally land on the perfect couple resist the temptation of asking them whether their sex life is satisfying since you don't want them to break up while you're gone. Get absolutely blasted after your voucher for a monthly income is finally signed.

6. Try to be as precise as possible when filling in the application form for a 10-day Vipassana meditation course. Don't even flinch when answering the question what are the exact quantities of alcohol you've consumed during the last two years and where exactly did you force that awful liquid down your throat.

7. Be pleasently surprised when you find out that your sincere answer "a few beers on Fridays after work every now and then" does not make you a reject for the course. Bless the Buddhists for being so open minded.

8. Use every single opportunity to see your friends even if it

means being in the presence of alcohol cause you are not going to see them for a while. (One of those nights in the pic on the right.)

9. Juggle #8 with not showing up hungover and reeking of alcohol every Saturday when you go see your mom, cause you're not going to see much of her either in the near future and don't want her to remember you by your park chemist's odour.

10. Oh yeah: working as much as you can, ploughing through LP's and online travel forums, seeing the dentist and the doctors you've done your best to avoid in the last few years, and being parsimonious when appropriate all contribute to your comfort once you're on the way.