22. Upon seeing your regular chai-wallah getting the water from the Ganges you just shrug.
23. When you see a noob paying 1000 rupees for a tola of charas in Pahar Ganj you smile arrogantly and let out a cocky “HAH!”. (Being a self-important dick is tremendous fun. )
24. When sitting in a fly infested bar with three Indian drunks while trying to withstand the revolting stench coming out of the overflowing toilet, you realise that you are more than a traveller: You are one. J'aime l'Inde. Mais je la deteste.
25. You refuse to pay 100rs (1,5 euros) for rickshaw ride of 10km and opt for local busses instead. After a 1,5 hour detour spend the 80rs (1,1 euros) you just saved on a single bottle of beer. Swish!
26. After settling in an otherwise fine guesthouse you’re disappointed to find out that they have western toilets.
27. You boast about great places you’ve been to that nobody else knows about an
d refuse to reveal their locations. Any self-respecting traveller keeps the best places to himself.
28. Go against your own principles and recite the story of when you lived with a hemp farmer in the outskirts of a small town in the Himalayas to rookie traveller who is enthusiastically listening to every word you say. Be overcome with a feeling of superiority and say: “Well, I suppose I could tell you where it is…” Watch him look up to you in awe. You are a god!
29. You spend a night “analyzing" India with some stoned hippies in a clichéd and pathetic manner that would make the dumbest cross-country skier facepalm. “I don’t regard India as one country, it’s a realm of it’s own.” India in one word: India. Jesus H. Christ.
30. You are proud of being guilty of any of the points mentioned.
Entries submitted originally as comments by Toxic Waste Man, a.k.a Aleksi. I liked them so much I thought they deserved their own post.




7 comments:
Crap! I totally forgot to mention the best story that qualifies under "symptoms that tell it's time to leave India". For some obscure reason certain memories of my trip are kinda hazy. But like Nigel's amp, this list ought to go to eleven (or 31).
31. You spend an evening watching the sun set over Manali while getting stoned with Russian Free Jazz legend - turned - full-time hippie Viktor Lukin who's trying to tell you your future using numerology. Strangely enough, he keeps getting all numbers mixed up or forgetting them completely. Must be something in the water.
Crap! I totally forgot to mention the best story that qualifies under "symptoms that tell it's time to leave India". For some obscure reason certain memories of my trip are kinda hazy. But like Nigel's amp, this list ought to go to eleven (or 31).
31. You spend an evening watching the sun set over Manali while getting stoned with Russian Free Jazz legend - turned - full-time hippie Viktor Lukin who's trying to tell you your future using numerology. Strangely enough, he keeps getting all numbers mixed up or forgetting them completely. Must be something in the water.
Crap! I totally forgot to mention the best story that qualifies under "symptoms that tell it's time to leave India". For some obscure reason certain memories of my trip are kinda hazy. But like Nigel's amp, this list ought to go to eleven (or 31).
31. You spend an evening watching the sun set over Manali while getting stoned with Russian Free Jazz legend - turned - full-time hippie Viktor Lukin who's trying to tell you your future using numerology. Strangely enough, he keeps getting all numbers mixed up or forgetting them completely. Must be something in the water.
Write 9 more and I'll post them. And writing 10 fun do's for London would make me one happy girl. It was my birthday the other day, so you might just as well. I'm getting ridiculously old and need some help.
More? I'm a busy man with a lot of tv to watch, but i suppose I could find the time (helping those enfeebled by the ravages of age is noble cause). That London bit might take a while though, since I spent most of my time in London just hanging around on the street corner (but what a great corner it was). I'll ask my like-minded friends from London for advice.
And congrats for your birthday.
More? I'm a busy man with a lot of tv to watch, but i suppose I could find the time (helping those enfeebled by the ravages of age is noble cause). That London bit might take a while though, since I spent most of my time in London just hanging around on the street corner (but what a great corner it was). I'll ask my like-minded friends from London for advice.
And congrats for your birthday.
great humor, very typical of the smartass wessie pseudo gypsy who likes to call India their second home and spits in its face. Keep it up, lemme know if you'd like some photographs of starving kids or dirty beggars from the streets of delhi, bet it would give your hits a massive boost!!
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