Ten best places to visit in India and why you should go there too

After reading some enraged comments to my posts on India I think I should make it clear once and for all that I adore India.

Dear India! I never meant to hurt your feelings. I never meant to offend your religious views. I fully understand that you are the rising star of the world's economic chart. And yes, like everyone else, I love the smell of fresh cow poo in the morning.

These are my 10 favourite places to visit in India. It's hard to put them in order, but I'll do my best.

1. Varanasi. It doesn't get any more Indian anywhere in the country. The Ganges might be polluted here to her last drop but it's in Varanasi that India is best reflected on nervous her surface. The burning ghats are a fact of life to the Indians, but to a simple minded tourist like me they seem like they belong to some other Marsian universe into which I have generously been offered a glimpse.

2. Amritsar. Nowhere else in the world have I felt so welcome than in Amritsar's fabulous Golden Temple, which like I've said before, should be India's most famous building instead of the dissappointing Taj Mahal. It's not only that a visitor is offered food and shelter for free, it's being allowed to the presence of what's holy - and in return you only need to take your shoes off.

3. Srinagar. Loved the floating gardens! Loved the houseboats! Loved the Hazratbal mosque! Loved the bazaars. Loved the hospitality. Loved the ATM at the head office of The Bank of Jammu and Kashmir. Loved it, loved it, loved it!

4. Hampi. The hamlet town which did not let me down when I expected it to be amazing. Hampi might only be one road but how beautiful are the crazy rocky hills that surround it! It's closest to the moon one can get if one is afraid of space crafts, like I am.

5. Rishikesh. Blew me by surprise. The New Age capital of the world reveals her spiritual charms also to the unassuming sceptic. After a while even the most determined yoga freaks stop being intimidating and well, in the end, the other freaks are actually a good laugh. And do take a swim in the waterfalls.

6. Jaisalmer. No list of cities to visit in India would be complete without the mention of the government authorised bhang shop and Mr Bhang (bhang is a type of fine weed) of Jaisalmer. Even if bhang lassi was not your thing (it isn't mine, mom!) you can always go chat with Mr Bhang and fantasize about being given the chance to write up his memoirs. What stories he could tell! And what would his message to humanity?

7. Gokarna. A holy city where you can easily mingle with the pilgrims or the drunk ricksha drivers, which ever you prefer. It's still not on the travel map for the masses and hey, there's a beach here too.

8. Udaipur. I just liked it because it has a lake. After weeks in the deserty Rajashtan one is bound to appreciate the sight of water. The palaces are mighty cool as well.

9. Manali. Spend a day, lull away a week. Roam the hills, get smelly in the hot springs of the village of Vashist. Bullshit with the babas and please, do try that apple juice which would be good enough for any of the thousands of Indian deities to sip on their pedestal.

10. Jodhpur. The Mehangir fort of the blue city is awesome even on Indian standards which in my humble opinion are highest in the world.

5 Karmic do's for Rishikesh

1. Arrive in the oh so New Age Rishikesh weary of all the hippies and yoga nutters, conviced that this would not be your place. Laying your eyes on the sacred Ganges have a total change of heart. Not knowing exactly why, you now want to join their ranks. Maybe they add something in Kinley here (Kinley is Coca-Cola's Indian mineral water brand).

2. Begin the search for yoga classes for beginners. Allow the search be disrupted by Mitch, a corporate risk analyst on his way to get bananas for the holy cows. Learn that an astrologer has just told Mitch to feed hungry cows since his Mercury is too low and he'll be damned if he doesn't. Inquire about his astrological sign. Leo! Same as yours. Inquire about his birthday. Same as yours! Which means Mercury is fucked up in your chart as well.

3. Join Mitch on this desperate mission to save your lives. Invest 10 rupees in green bananas and start looking for hungry cows.

4. Marvel at Mitch's cunning when he insightfully utters: "It's easier to feed cows you haven't met before", when a nutter of a cow starts following you after being fed two bananas. Indeed, India is a country of spirituality and wisdom, some of which you are bound to embellish while travelling here.

5. Get a blessing from a man dressed up as Hanuman for the Diwali festival in order to make sure, your mission has been properly completed. With these things you can never be too sure!

10 do's for McLeod Ganj, Dharamsala

1. Arrive in McLeod Ganj two hours early from Manali at 4 AM when everything is closed. Fight with touts who want to take you to the shabbiest guesthouses down some freaking long steps. Say no to the overpriced lousy rooms and walk the even longer seeming steps back up and camp out on the street with stray dogs. Good fun if you have the right company! Shalom! Something in Danish!

2. After sunrise and two cups of chai start the hunt for a guesthouse. If you are coming from places like Manali and Leh the range of guesthouses in Dharamsala is depressing. Unappealing rooms with bathrooms in town proper go for 350 rs. After saying no to about ten rooms in town walk back to the cursed steps and get a room which isn't appealing but at least it's cheap, 150 rs, attached bathroom and balcony.

3. Check out the photo exhibit on the Chinese occupation of Tibet at Gu Chu Sum organisation's office. It's vile. Gu Chu Sum is an organisation for political prisoners of Tibet, run by former prisoners themselves. Photos of Tibetans, monks, students and familymen shot in the protests only a few years ago are on display. Equally gruelling are the drawings portraying Chinese methods of torture. The Tibet museum at the Dalai Lama complex is worth your while as well.

4. Let a Tibetan nun drag you into a conversation class on the roof of Gu Chu Sum. Teach her the difference between "we beat Chinese police" and "Chinese police beat us." Find yourself in one of the most absurd situations ever in your life by asking the former political prisoner to repeat after you "The Chinese... police... beat... us... in... prison."

5. Hungry? It's time for a cooking class. Sangyen at Jogiwara road teaches how to make momos every Wednesday at 11 AM and at 5 PM. 200 rupees only. Good fun. And he'll talk politics too.

6. If you've got the money and are feeling silly, get your birth horoscope done in the Tibetan Medical and Astro Institute of His Higness the Dalai Lama. It costs 2500 rupees. However as there are a lot of horoscope nutters around it takes three to five months to get you birth chart done. They'll send it to your home address so when you go, make sure you have a home address.

7. Seeing the Dalai Lama is a tick in the box manouvre. You will be listening his teachings on a cracking radio and even if the radio works, Dalai Lama will teach about things which are of interest only to people who know their Buddhism. If you think for a second you'll find the meaning of life listening to the man you are wrong.

8. Visiting Dharamsala is actually quite a pleasent way to spend half a day. It's a quiet Indian town which is a nice change from the touristy scene in McLeod Ganj. And a quiet Indian town is quite a novelty at its own right.

9. Walk up the hill to Bhagsu or Dharamkhot. Nothing much up there, but the views are nice,

10. Food: Yak restaurant has the best thukpa (Tibetan noodle soup). Snow lion has the most endearing service (thet screwed up my order three times out of six) and a great cheese and tomato omelette for breakfast. Carpe Diem is where the backpackers hang out, veg sandwiches highly recommendable. Kharna Nirvana has a nice vibe, entertainment on most nights (check out the jamming sessions on Wednesdays) and a strange menu which offers Mexican foor and then all kinds of stuff served in pita bread. Buy your momos on the streat stalls.