1. You don't swear anymore if you step on cow dung.
2. It's July and the monsoon is at its worst but you are still in Goa, playing to be a baba and living in the jungle.
3. You've found a way to make the 10 rupee begging kids to give you money.
4. Explicit carvings in places of worship don't make you want to photograph them anymore.
5. You drink tap water in order to cut expenses.
6. You pray to Hanuman and think it's perfectly normal for Westeners to pray to a monkey god even if they still were Christian yesterday.
7. You manage to spend days without anyone asking you "what is your country" or "what is your job".
8. You sport natural dread locks and think they look cool.
9. Blood red teeth and gums from betel nuts don't seem gross to you anymone. In fact, that's just how your mouth looks like.
10. You've developed immunity to seeing deformed children.
11. The old hippies in Pushkar seem neither tragic nor funny to you anymore.
12. You don't think it's weird when an internet cafe owner strikes a conversation with you about how having sex with horses is good for manhood.
13.You can't remember the last time you had Delhi belly.
14. You can describe filth with the same precision as the Inuits do when decribing snow.
15. You know your way around the old town of Varanasi.
16. You don't freak out if you get bitten by a stray dog as you figure that you probably would have had rabies already if you were meant to have it.
17. Even Indians understand why you are not married.
18. You don't get angry if you see a rape victim's name and photo in a newspaper.
19. You see a green dog and think nothing of it.
20. When you wake up in the middle of the night because a cockroach is crawling up your nose your first thought is not "fuck" but "I'd like some chai".
Want to read more? Ten additional symptoms can be found here.
11 comments:
21. You know how the fix the “broken” rickshaw meters. However, at this point you insist on using public transport because, y’know, only greenhorns use rickshaws.
22. Upon seeing your regular chai-wallah getting the water from the Ganges you just shrug.
23. When you see a noob paying 1000 rupees for a tola of charas in Pahar Ganj you smile arrogantly and let out a cocky “HAH!”. (Being a self-important dick is tremendous fun. )
Oh yes, no.1 ftw! Although by this time you should’ve reached the Jeremy-level of as assholiness and consequently never step on cowcrap out of intuition.
Hah! And now, how would you describe Old Monk if you were to write a post about what to drink this weekend?
What, this weekend? Since I'm in Finland some Old Monk would suit me just fine. Come to think of it, there's still some left. I bought it as a present for my brother but he thinks it tastes like cack so I might help myself to it tomorrow. Cheers for the tip!
But I assume you were asking how my India-travelling alter ego would respond, so let me just use a meditation trick I learned from some perverted old Baba and get into that India state of mind...
Namaste! Old Monk? Excuse my editorial laughter, hahahaha! Next you're going to tell me that you only drink Kingfisher wherever you go in India. Listen baby, in order to experience the REAL India you need to stray from the samsonite-tourist trail and get in touch with the authentic culture. Next time time try the Senate whiskey (although even that is too commercial), and instead of Kingfisher drink High Punch. It might taste terrible, but that's what the locals drink, and when sitting in a fly infested bar with three Indian drunks while trying to withstand the revolting stench coming out of the overflowing toilet, you realise that you are more than a traveller: you are one. J'aime l'Inde. Mais je la deteste.
Hence 24. If you start talking in the aforementioned manner, it's time to GTFO!
electric monk.
And I am radioactive. Which reminds me, they're performing again on Sunday. Maanantaiksi krapula!
25. You refuse to pay 100rs for rickshaw ride of 10km and opt for local busses instead. After a 1,5 hour detour spend the 80rs you just saved on a single bottle of beer. Swish!
26. After settling in an otherwise fine guesthouse you’re disappointed to find out that they have western toilets.
27. You boast about great places you’ve been to that nobody else knows about and refuse to reveal their locations. Any self-respecting traveller keeps the best places to himself.
28. Go against your own principles and recite the story of when you lived with a hemp farmer in the outskirts of a small town in the Himalayas to rookie traveller who is enthusiastically listening to every word you say. Be overcome with a feeling of superiority and say: “Well, I suppose I could tell you where it is…”. Watch him look up to you in awe. You are a god!
29. You spend a night “analyzing” India with some stoned hippies in a clichéd and pathetic manner that would make the dumbest cross-country skier facepalm. “I don’t regard India as one country, it’s a realm of it’s own.” “India in one word: India”. Jesus H. Christ.
30. You are proud of being guilty of any of the points mentioned.
Well thanks for sharing your information!!!!!!!!!
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