Recommendations and tips

... under construction. Will feature recommendations, duh.

Why?

And the answer is quite simply: Because I always wanted to. Well, not always, but ever since I was 10 and for the first time in my life saw backpackers in Piccadilly Circus in London, where my loving but unimaginative parents had taken me for a holiday (one could give them credit for choosing Armenia, Soviet Union to be the first foreing country I ever went to, but I think my mom is a commie, so no wonder.).

As a kid in the Tower of London

It was a group of two guys and a girl. I remember them having huge backpacks and looking stranted in the rain, peering into a book which I now assume, was a guide book but which at a time was in the process of getting wet. They looked like they were having so much fun! "Backpackers", my mom informed me. Later on, back home in Äetsä (population 5000) I read about InterRail in Teen Calendar, a must-have for every teenage girl in the extremely hip community of Äetsä, where all women worked at a zipper factory and all men at a chemical factory, which once exploded. I was infatuated and planned a rail route to Spain. Long term travel however requires dough so I had to set myself a plan:

1. Graduate from a great university with a diploma in billionairing.

2. Get a job in organized crime.

3. At 25, retire, and just travel.

The plan, like most plans I make, unfortunately backfired. I ended up being a philosophy student with a job in a tabloid paper, which people who don't know better might say, isn't too far from step 2, so congrats on that. In January 09 I then made a new plan: Rent out the flat, sell all my stuff, save as much money as I can and get moving in September 09.

Contact

Do you have questions, answers, or suggestions? Or do you just want to buy me a beer?

Drop me an e-mail at countrycount@gmail.com and I'll get back to you as soon as I am back from the jungle. You can also tweet me at http://twitter.com/merjamahka.

Don't go, make babies - top 10 best comments

1. A 20 year old veteran backpacker who traveled Asia for a year with a kiddie-sized school bag: Download whole Lonely Planets from Pirate Bay. It's not stealing, you would be buying pirated versions anyway.

2. Gynecologist (to my crotch): Oh, you should not travel, you should make babies. For that you've got perfect hips.

3. Gynecologist (to my face): What, no guy? A girl like you? You'll find a dude in the next bar. Or maybe you should travel to Saariselkä. I never

take my wife along when I go there. (Saariselkä is a skiing resort in Lapland, Northern Finland (in the pic on the left). It's popular with middle-aged businessmen who go there in the spring to get laid).

4. My former best friend: I'm gonna miss you so much, it makes me cry.

5. My new best friend from Colorado: I like your blog. Keep us posted.

6. My current idol: I can help you with that RSS feed.

7. Telemarketing sales guy who somehow got hold of my number: Oh, you're going traveling? I've always wanted to make a trip like that. Where are you gonna go?

8. Collegue: Traitor!

9. Networked Blogs on Facebook: Warning. These kind of messages could be considered as spam and your account might get blocked.

10. My imaginary friend: You're looking freakin' hot today.

Drugged in Cambodia - worst of traveling, top 5

1. As the backpacker bus from Bangkok reaches Poipet on the Cambodian border realize that you are the only traveler on the bus whose ticket is valid only to Poipet instead of the site of Anchor temples, Siem Reap, 8 hours on from the border. Get absolutely pissed when the driver demands you to flash in more bahts to take you to Siem Reap and walk out of the bus.

Flag down a tuk tuk and enter Cambodia on your own. Not knowing what's awaiting, feel a certain sense of pride of not letting those scammers take advantage of you. Flag down a pickup truck and let it tour you around the nasty little hell hole that's Poipet while it tries to pull more passengers. After an hour's tour find yourself crammed on the tiny cargo bed with 15 adults and three kids - it's painful. When the pick up finally hits the road let a weather worn old woman drink from your water bottle when she asks for a sip. Take a gulp yourself. You stupid jackass!

Drop your head to your knees as if life had been sucked out of your body and feel yourself falling asleep like you'd just taken a kick ass sleeping pill which makes Tenox, Stille Nacht and Imovane seem like pills adequate only for the lobotomized.

Regaining consciousness later on realize that your wallet is missing and then thank God when you retain it after noticing that the fat stupid ugly woman opposite you is hiding it in her skirt. Finally in Siem Reap realize that the reason why she smiled handing it back to you was not because she was sorry but because she still had your camera.

2. Manaus Brazil - the old rubber capital of South America with a pink opera house left as a reminder of its days of glory before rubber seeds were smuggled to Malaysia and the rubber industry in the Amazon consequently ruined, is nice only if you have a fetish for begging cripples. Otherwise steer clear from it.

3. On your first day in Montego Bay, Jamaica, find your way out of the resort area since it just sucks. Let your traveling duo be approached by a fellow, who only seems to want to show you that he excels in questioning you on where are you from, what do you do, and what is your name, blaah, blaah, blaah. Half an hour later, as the guy gets more and more tedious by the minute, exchange a few words in Finnish with your friend and decide to ditch the bore.

Next, learn that labeling this dude dull was a serious error of judgement, when he demands to be payed for being your guide to this shit hole while a group of his comrades suddenly appears from nowhere and surrounds you to make sure you understand the gravity of his demand. After an attempt to beat Jamaicans at 100 meter sprint race, relent and give the bugger 20 bucks. Hate Jamaica ever since.

4. Meet the only hot English teacher on the planet in a guesthouse on the outskirts of Beijing, China. Have a great night out in Sanlitun whisking down Tsingtaos like you had just escaped a desert monastery run by the sisterhood of thou shalt not drink.

Wake up seriously hangover 5 minutes before your bus to Simatai to see the Great Wall of China. On the way, eat the leftovers of a spinach pie that did not taste good to begin with. Feel a little sick and eat nothing the whole day - after all you've got a dinner date with the hottie that night. At dinner, refuse to eat, but agree to the suggested albeit slightly odd drink of warm lemon juice mixed with milk, which is supposed to make you feel better. After a few sips, politely excuse yourself as you storm out of the bathroomless restaurant to puke behind the corner. Repeat this a few times and do not wonder why the hottie never asked for your e-mail address.

5. Only's, the bar favorite in Peterborough, Ontario, Canada, ran out of KLB Breweries' Raspberry Wheat one night. I cried.

Yahoo confuses me with a murder convict - 3 blogging do's

1. After checking how well (or badly, to be more precise) your blog is doing in Google's search engine try to cheer yourself up by switching to Yahoo. As your blog's Yahoo performance is even worse, see if Yahoo can even find you. When it does, repeat the search on images. Be blown away by the fact that Yahoo produces three results: an image of you, another very shady image of you with some sort of Finnish celebrities and an image of a Finnish woman, who was convicted of a tripple murder in Sweden nearly 20 years ago. Sweet. Click here to see the resemblance.

2. Become a Facebook slut: Approve all friend requests from people who've shown an interest in your blog even if you've never heard of them, let alone met them. It's for the greater good of the blog! And you might find some interesting reads in the process, such as my new friend Ade's blog which features graphic presentations about everything ranging from phases of the moon to the pattern of how dental caries is formed in human teeth. Who would have thought it starts from eating. Sweet tooth. Click here, if you want to see what it does to you.

3. Excuse yourself from getting farther and farther away from your blog's designated topic as it still is quite hard to write a travel blog when your flight is six weeks away, and the only traveling you do is walking from home to work - something you admittedly did twice within the last 13 hours as you had to walk back at 2 AM in order to send an important e-mail you somehow managed to forget to send when you left. Not so sweet.

10 Do's for Sugar Beach, Sipalay

10 Do's for for Sugar Beach, Sipalay, Negros, Philippines

1. To get to Sugar Beach cross yet another tidal river. Upon arriving to the stream realize, that the little boy who accompanied you from the trike is hallucinating about being your man to paddle you over. Look around. There's no one else there. Ask the boy (on the left) how old is he. "Eleven", he says. This is child labour! After making sure that he only does this only on the weekends when he is not in school allow him to take you over but tip him heftily.

2. For once wish there was another Finn around so that you could laugh at the Swiss run guesthouse Takatuka (Takatuka is only one k short of mullet in Finnish).

3. The sun finally out! Run like crazy to find a boat that's going out. Find out that it is the stupid market day and that's when everybody goes to Sipalay proper even though the weather's been crap for the last week and now's the perfect day to go snorkeling.

4. Screw that. Charter your own boat with the local guys from the nearby village.

5. Wonder why you need three guys to take you out. Learn that it is for one of them to operate the boat and show you around the made for snorkeling wreck 40 minutes from the beach, for the other to light your cigarettes for you when it gets to windy for, um, amateurs in the middle of the sea (sorry mum, in case you had not noticed I'm smoking again) and for the third to climb palm trees to get you overdosed on coconuts on a deserted beach after two hours at the wreck.

6. Freak out upon seeing a two year old whacking a coconut with daddy's machete.

7. Meet Mark at 8 o'clock next morning when hiring the guys to take you out again. By 8.15 learn that he too is nursing a broken heart after a grimy affair with an Angelina Jolie look-alike, who is now in Cebu out of all places. Form the most pathetic snorkeling duo of all times. When your trip, which required yet one dead cellphone and a nasty coral cut, is cut short by rain, just laugh it all off. Hilarious in retrospect, maybe?

8. Forget about your resort and move your business to the village. Let Rowena cook you boneless milkfish, calamaries and sinigang and then some jack fruit, tarapple, papaya and mango fruit salad. Amazing.

9. Wonder wether the following sentence would work as an opening line in a novel about backpacking: "Like all long time travellers, I have become rather fond of my voice. In fact I prefer listening to myself telling the same old story from Poipet, Hong Kong, San Salvador or wherever to any of my fellow traveller's stories. They are the same anyway, but mine are more exciting."

10. Decide it's time to get you back in a city. Bus it to Dumaguete and splash on an aircon double with a telly.