1.Visit Pahalgam.
Set on the banks of the Lidder river and sandwiched between snow capped mountains, the small town of Pahalgam is a must-see for all those visitng Kashmir. This used to be hot spot for domestic tourists, but after the advent of the armed insurgency in Kashmir most have relocated to the less spectacular Kullu and Parvati valleys. In addition to being scenically superior to the mountain towns of Himachal Pradesh, in Pahalgam stoned New Age hippies who consider wind chimes a musical instrument are conspicuous in their absence, so you don't have to endure discussions on the celestial properties of a rock. However, in summertime hordes of Hindu pilgrims show up here for the start of the pilgrimage to the holy Amarnath caves.
There's not much to do expect to walk around and be overwhelmed by the dramatic scenery of the fertile valley. There a some great one day hikes up to magnificent viewpoints and those who are staying longer should do treks to nearby mountain lakes and glaciers. Whatever you do, don't try climbing the mountains without a guide. I did, and what happened? I lost my passport. Yeah, I took my passport up a mountain, so what? I know it was fucking retarded, but what can you do?
Also be sure to visit the apple orchards on the northeastern edge of town where they produce the apples on the planet, no contest. The owners let you eat as many as you want and refuse to accept any payment, although they'll happily bum your cigarettes.
2. Having established myself as a respected food critic on this blog, I feel it is my duty to give you some insight on Kashmir’s culinary specialties.
The best to experience the local cuisine is to accept one the numerous invitations you'll receive to join a local family for dinner. Dining with Kashmiri family is a fascinating experience that gives unique perspicacity to the local lifestyle and the greatest honor is to receive an invitation to celebrate the Eid ul-Fitr (the end of the Ramadan), when the whole kinfolk gathers for a full-day feast. The main entry is the wazwan, a Kashmiri buffet so delicious it rivals the best South Indian dishes. During Eid food is consumed the duration of the whole day, and as my hosts joked:"Some people, after the Ramadan, eat too much food and then they die!". Yes, that is hilarious.
3. If your houseboat's bathroom has a window, you can entertain yourself by peeking out on the lake after flushing your toilet and see your fresh turd plunge in the lake. It's as funny as it sounds, but this toilet humour has a sinister undertone. The beautifully serene Dal lake is decaying from all sewage that is flushed into it causing overgrowth of weeds a shrinking water levels. So if you're visiting Kashmir and are enticed by the perfect mirror images of mountains displayed on the lake, bear in mind that it's essentially a pool of liquid shit.
4. To get an alternative perspective on Srinagar, take a walk around town during night. Apart from a few military patrols the the streets are completely deserted. They soldiers will tell you to go back to sleep, but if persist long enough, they'll happily give you a short walking tour through the haunting moonlit city, sharing their stories of the armed conflict that has plagued the valley for two decades . It's an unforgettable experience.
5. The vale of Kashmir boasts holy sites for Hindus (Amarnath Caves), Muslims (Hazbara Shrine which hosts a hair of the prophet Mohammad) and even Christians. What holy Christian site could Kashmir possible have? Oh nothing, excpet the tomb of Jesus Christ! That's right, the Rozanbul mausoleum in Srinagar's old town claims to be the final resting place of the son of god, Jesus of Nazareth himself. Evidence for this are the cemented footprints which contain holes in each foot indicating crucifixion. This hardly constitutes as absolute proof, so allow me to elaborate: According to the new testament, after his crucifixion Jesus rose from the dead and ascended to heaven. As all Kashmiris well know, Kashmir Is heaven, thus we can conclude that after his resurrection Christ hiked all the way to Srinagar.
There, using my infallible logic I have corroborated that Jesus rests in Srinagar, thereby giving all Christians the opportunity to get closer to their Lord and savior than ever before. You're welcome...
Contributed by Toxic Waste Man, a.k.a Aleksi.
No comments:
Post a Comment