Ten best places to visit in India and why you should go there too

After reading some enraged comments to my posts on India I think I should make it clear once and for all that I adore India.

Dear India! I never meant to hurt your feelings. I never meant to offend your religious views. I fully understand that you are the rising star of the world's economic chart. And yes, like everyone else, I love the smell of fresh cow poo in the morning.

These are my 10 favourite places to visit in India. It's hard to put them in order, but I'll do my best.

1. Varanasi. It doesn't get any more Indian anywhere in the country. The Ganges might be polluted here to her last drop but it's in Varanasi that India is best reflected on nervous her surface. The burning ghats are a fact of life to the Indians, but to a simple minded tourist like me they seem like they belong to some other Marsian universe into which I have generously been offered a glimpse.

2. Amritsar. Nowhere else in the world have I felt so welcome than in Amritsar's fabulous Golden Temple, which like I've said before, should be India's most famous building instead of the dissappointing Taj Mahal. It's not only that a visitor is offered food and shelter for free, it's being allowed to the presence of what's holy - and in return you only need to take your shoes off.

3. Srinagar. Loved the floating gardens! Loved the houseboats! Loved the Hazratbal mosque! Loved the bazaars. Loved the hospitality. Loved the ATM at the head office of The Bank of Jammu and Kashmir. Loved it, loved it, loved it!

4. Hampi. The hamlet town which did not let me down when I expected it to be amazing. Hampi might only be one road but how beautiful are the crazy rocky hills that surround it! It's closest to the moon one can get if one is afraid of space crafts, like I am.

5. Rishikesh. Blew me by surprise. The New Age capital of the world reveals her spiritual charms also to the unassuming sceptic. After a while even the most determined yoga freaks stop being intimidating and well, in the end, the other freaks are actually a good laugh. And do take a swim in the waterfalls.

6. Jaisalmer. No list of cities to visit in India would be complete without the mention of the government authorised bhang shop and Mr Bhang (bhang is a type of fine weed) of Jaisalmer. Even if bhang lassi was not your thing (it isn't mine, mom!) you can always go chat with Mr Bhang and fantasize about being given the chance to write up his memoirs. What stories he could tell! And what would his message to humanity?

7. Gokarna. A holy city where you can easily mingle with the pilgrims or the drunk ricksha drivers, which ever you prefer. It's still not on the travel map for the masses and hey, there's a beach here too.

8. Udaipur. I just liked it because it has a lake. After weeks in the deserty Rajashtan one is bound to appreciate the sight of water. The palaces are mighty cool as well.

9. Manali. Spend a day, lull away a week. Roam the hills, get smelly in the hot springs of the village of Vashist. Bullshit with the babas and please, do try that apple juice which would be good enough for any of the thousands of Indian deities to sip on their pedestal.

10. Jodhpur. The Mehangir fort of the blue city is awesome even on Indian standards which in my humble opinion are highest in the world.

5 Karmic do's for Rishikesh

1. Arrive in the oh so New Age Rishikesh weary of all the hippies and yoga nutters, conviced that this would not be your place. Laying your eyes on the sacred Ganges have a total change of heart. Not knowing exactly why, you now want to join their ranks. Maybe they add something in Kinley here (Kinley is Coca-Cola's Indian mineral water brand).

2. Begin the search for yoga classes for beginners. Allow the search be disrupted by Mitch, a corporate risk analyst on his way to get bananas for the holy cows. Learn that an astrologer has just told Mitch to feed hungry cows since his Mercury is too low and he'll be damned if he doesn't. Inquire about his astrological sign. Leo! Same as yours. Inquire about his birthday. Same as yours! Which means Mercury is fucked up in your chart as well.

3. Join Mitch on this desperate mission to save your lives. Invest 10 rupees in green bananas and start looking for hungry cows.

4. Marvel at Mitch's cunning when he insightfully utters: "It's easier to feed cows you haven't met before", when a nutter of a cow starts following you after being fed two bananas. Indeed, India is a country of spirituality and wisdom, some of which you are bound to embellish while travelling here.

5. Get a blessing from a man dressed up as Hanuman for the Diwali festival in order to make sure, your mission has been properly completed. With these things you can never be too sure!

10 do's for McLeod Ganj, Dharamsala

1. Arrive in McLeod Ganj two hours early from Manali at 4 AM when everything is closed. Fight with touts who want to take you to the shabbiest guesthouses down some freaking long steps. Say no to the overpriced lousy rooms and walk the even longer seeming steps back up and camp out on the street with stray dogs. Good fun if you have the right company! Shalom! Something in Danish!

2. After sunrise and two cups of chai start the hunt for a guesthouse. If you are coming from places like Manali and Leh the range of guesthouses in Dharamsala is depressing. Unappealing rooms with bathrooms in town proper go for 350 rs. After saying no to about ten rooms in town walk back to the cursed steps and get a room which isn't appealing but at least it's cheap, 150 rs, attached bathroom and balcony.

3. Check out the photo exhibit on the Chinese occupation of Tibet at Gu Chu Sum organisation's office. It's vile. Gu Chu Sum is an organisation for political prisoners of Tibet, run by former prisoners themselves. Photos of Tibetans, monks, students and familymen shot in the protests only a few years ago are on display. Equally gruelling are the drawings portraying Chinese methods of torture. The Tibet museum at the Dalai Lama complex is worth your while as well.

4. Let a Tibetan nun drag you into a conversation class on the roof of Gu Chu Sum. Teach her the difference between "we beat Chinese police" and "Chinese police beat us." Find yourself in one of the most absurd situations ever in your life by asking the former political prisoner to repeat after you "The Chinese... police... beat... us... in... prison."

5. Hungry? It's time for a cooking class. Sangyen at Jogiwara road teaches how to make momos every Wednesday at 11 AM and at 5 PM. 200 rupees only. Good fun. And he'll talk politics too.

6. If you've got the money and are feeling silly, get your birth horoscope done in the Tibetan Medical and Astro Institute of His Higness the Dalai Lama. It costs 2500 rupees. However as there are a lot of horoscope nutters around it takes three to five months to get you birth chart done. They'll send it to your home address so when you go, make sure you have a home address.

7. Seeing the Dalai Lama is a tick in the box manouvre. You will be listening his teachings on a cracking radio and even if the radio works, Dalai Lama will teach about things which are of interest only to people who know their Buddhism. If you think for a second you'll find the meaning of life listening to the man you are wrong.

8. Visiting Dharamsala is actually quite a pleasent way to spend half a day. It's a quiet Indian town which is a nice change from the touristy scene in McLeod Ganj. And a quiet Indian town is quite a novelty at its own right.

9. Walk up the hill to Bhagsu or Dharamkhot. Nothing much up there, but the views are nice,

10. Food: Yak restaurant has the best thukpa (Tibetan noodle soup). Snow lion has the most endearing service (thet screwed up my order three times out of six) and a great cheese and tomato omelette for breakfast. Carpe Diem is where the backpackers hang out, veg sandwiches highly recommendable. Kharna Nirvana has a nice vibe, entertainment on most nights (check out the jamming sessions on Wednesdays) and a strange menu which offers Mexican foor and then all kinds of stuff served in pita bread. Buy your momos on the streat stalls.

A cheater's guide to surviving a ten day Vipassana course

If you are seriously thinking of doing a ten day Vipassana meditation course you might not want to read this.

In a Vipassana course you commit yourself to not communicating in any way for ten days.

In exchange of all the nice things in life you get to meditate for 10 hours a day, to shower and to eat two light veg meals a day and have tea in the evening. And that's it. You can't read nor write. If you're really lucky, in the end you'll reach enlightenment. You probably won't, but at least you've taken the first steps on the noble Buddhist path leading to eternal happiness and love for all beings. Which is turn is pretty cool.

Now, why should you not read this? Because this guide will teach you the easier way out of a Vipassana course which means that your chances of becoming enligtened will diminish. And as enlightenment is the whole point of the course, why would you bother committing yourself to the harsh conditions if you are going to cheat?

Completing the course is unbelievably hard. You'll get paranoid. You'll get pissed off when your skin doesn't tickle the right way. You'll be hungry. You might not be able to sleep. All the shit you've accumulated in your life can come back to haunt you. You will suspect that everyone else in the course hates you as they keep on giving you these weird looks without saying a word. You might get delirious. Your knees and your back will do their best to make you cry out of pain, that's granted. Having to be quiet for ten days is one of the easiest things involving the course. It's meditating for ten hours a day which makes it a real killer.

So why would you read this? Because these instructions could help you from quitting the course and prevent you from wasting your time on a course which will get you nowhere if you can only cope with it for the first two days. And actually quite a few of these tips are genuine and don't involve any cheating.

I did the course in Dhamma Shikara in Dharamsala. Some of the instructions might be spesific to that place.

1. Come alone to the course. If you come with a friend you are going to have to pretend that you don't know one another for ten days. That can be truly trying when you can see that your friend looks miserable.

2. If you do come with a friend make it clear that you are not going to be talking to one another even if you feel like quitting the course. A friend wanting to quit the course will take your spirit down. So do yourselves a favour and agree in advance what will you do if the other one decides to leave: where is he or she going to stay while you're still at the course and where will you meet up after. It will save you from one headache. Trust me, you'll have enough aches at the course.

3. Great cheating tip! From day four on, you will have three daily strong determination classes in which you are not allowed to change your meditation posititon or open eyes. Now, this can be really hard as you are hurting like hell but have no idea when it's gonna end. Here's a solution: By this point you will be practicing doing rounds in which you concentrate on each part of your body one at a time. Now, if you time yourself to see how long one round is going to take, then you can count how many rounds you have left to do. You can time yourself in any of the other classes.

4. Cheating tip! Food can be scarse but you are not allowed to bring any food with you. However, they won't check your bags. Two packs of cookies might be a life saver when you are starving and feeling like shit.

5. Cheating tip! At tea time at five o'clock you will get a cup of tea, some bizarre parrot food and a fruit. If you can save the fruit till the next morning the first meditation session which starts at 4.30 in the morning will be less unpleasant as you won't have to go through it with an empty stomach like you're apparently supposed to. Alternatively, if

you have the guts, you might try taking two pieces of fruit and then saving the other one. This is a forbidden practice though and it's not only the management who'll look like they are dissappointed with you - your course comrades will notice it too. And they certainly will give you mean looks for that. I wanted to whack the people I caught nicking fruits. (That's that for compassion for all beings.)

6. Cheating tip! You are allowed to leave the meditation hall during the classes except the three daily group sessions. Many people seemed to be leaving the class a few minutes early which helps to be in front line for food. It takes a good while for people to fill their plates with the little dishes so this is actually a great advantage since all the time you get to spend outside the meditation hall is precious. But make sure that you never are the first in line as then other people will start noticing. Or you believe they do which adds to all your other paranoias. Which leads to the next tip.

7. You are bound to get paranoid as you can't say a thing. An example: you step on someone's toes and can't apologize. You'll think the person who has had his or her toes squashed hates you. They probably don't. They've done something similar themselves.

8. Your roommate doesn't hate you either even if she or he acts strange around you. People act strangely at this course. Don't be bothered by it.

9. In order to fight exhaustion and lack of sleep try sleeping whenever you can. After breakfast you'll have 45 minutes to sleep. At lunch you'll have an hour and 15 minutes. The one hour tea break is best used for showering as it is too short for a nap.

10. Cheating tip! In case #9 is not enough, the first meditation class after lunch at 1 o'clock is the easiest to skip since there will be no new instructions in this class. But be sure to make it back to the 2.30 group session.

11. Cheating tip! They'll only tell you on the 7th day that on the 10th day you will get talk again. Knowing that the silence ends a day early can work miracles on you when you are counting the days left. You will count days. Even the guru is empathetic with this.

12. The management people too know that you are going through a tough time. They've all completed their courses before, so don't hesitate to ask for help if you need something. And if you feel really shit, they will try to cheer you up somehow. They believe that the course is good for you and as they are nice Vipassana meditators they want you to get through it. Bare in mind that the management people are all there on a voluntary basis so that you could take the course.

13 tips to a perfect day in Manali for 4 euros - all inclusive!

1. Get up early in your Old Manali guesthouse (Laxmi is nice and cheap). Have breakfast at Shiva Garden cafe.

2. Walk up the hill to the Manu Rishi temple. It's not great but I it liked the little statues there for their text book lack of originality. Krishna playes a flute. Kali is pissed off. Durga sits on a lion. Temple architecture in its bareness and squareness is quite original though.

3. Follow the path past the temple until you reached a big rock onto which steps have been carved. Half way up take a right.

4. Enter the pine tree forest and hike up the hill. It's about 2 kilometers to the picture perfect village of Gushal where the villagers go about their business. You'll see the village from the top of the hill so you'll know where to go. And on your right you'll see the river.

5. Make your through the village and head to the river. There are small bridges that will take you over the several streams.

6. You've reached the village of Bhang on the Rohtang pass highway. (It's a far cry from a highway if I may add.) Take a right.

7. Walk on the road until you reach Rock Garden Cafe. (A far cry from a cafe, but there's a sign.) On the other side of the road you'll see a path which leads to a flight of steps. Climb

them.

8. You've reached the village of Vaishist where you can have lunch. Eat what you wish but do try the local apple juice. It's best when served truly chilled.

9. After lunch find your way to the Vaishist temple, known for its hot springs. It's bath time! English girls bring their bikinis. Indians and us Finns don't. A word of warning: the water is hot and reeks of sulphur. But I loved bathing there. I had fun chatting with an Indian woman who wanted me to start spitting on my toes in order to soften the hard bits caused by years of wearing to small shoes.

10. After the bath visit the babas. They have a rest rouse in the small temple's premises. If you are lucky, you might meet Baba Vias, a blogging baba in the the business of selling herbs. He has a splenid way of using the word "fuck". What a character! If you are in India in the winter, you can find him in Gokarna. The summers he spends in Himachal Pradesh.

11. Bid farewell to the babas and walk across the town until you find a sign pointing at the waterfall. It takes about 30 minutes to get there from Vaishist. If you are worried that you reek of sulphur you can take a plunge in the little natural pool. This time the water is cold. Very cold.

12. Walk back to Vaishist and then on to New Manali. If you've got the time check out the monastery. If you don't, then have dinner at one of the many restaurants in New Manali. They offer a refreshing change from the scene in the Wessie oriented Old Manali. In New Manali the restaurants cater mainly for Indian tourists so you can find any type of Indian food there. I had a Punjabi thali in Aasham Family Restaurant.

13. Tired? Take a ricksha back to Old Manali.

Costs

75 rs breakfast at Shiva Garden Cafe

65 rs samosa lunch, a bottle of apple juice and water

1 rupee fee for leaving your shoes at the cloak room at the Vaishit temple

75 rs for Punjabi thali in Aasham

40 rs ricksha back to Old Manali

In total

256 rupees, which is about 4 euros.

Night at Laxmi guesthouse 200 rs, hot water included. Not bad at all.

How to make the best momo soup in the world - recipe!

I sneaked in to the kitchen of Tenzin Dickey Tibetan in Leh to see how they make their potato and cheese momo soup for which they ought to be world famous and millionaires. And this is how it's how it's done. Teenage son chops veggies. Mom makes momos of course and then dad cooks them.

Momos

Mix water and wheat flour to make a dry dough. Use one cup of water for 250 grsms of wheat flour.

Flatten it very thin. Use a glass to cut little round thingies.

Fill the rounds with mashed boiled potato and Indian cheese.

Mom uses her nails to foil them into nice neat momos.

Broth

Chop veggies small. Tomato, spinach, cabbage, carrot.

Spice it up with fresh garlic, soy souce and fresh ginger.

Add a reasonable amount of water.

Bring to boil. Add the momos and boil for five minutes.

If the soup needs more kick you can add some chili souce.

Sent the Koh-i-Noor back to Punjab!

As my infatuation with the turban wearing men keeps growing, I bought a book on Sikhism called the Sikhs by Khushwant Singh, a famous Sikh scholar.

The following is a brief summary on the most curious passage involving Koh-i-Noor and the cruelty of the English imperialism.

After two Anglo-Sikh wars the young maharaja Dalip Singh of Punjab surrended his dominions to the English and the kingdom of Sikhs ceased to be in 1849.

The English took the maharaja under their wing, and brainwashed him into Christianity. As if that wasn't enough they sent him to England and gave him an estate in Suffolk. In 1850 the Delhi Gazette reported an "announcement of a momentous event": The ex-sovereign of the Punjab has eaten a beef steak! "The king of Sikhs... has sold his claim to the allegiance of his people by a juicy mouthful".

The same year Lord Dalhousie, the man in charge of the English Punjabi operations visited the Golden Temple in Amritsar. The temple was beautifully lit up to honour of the conqueror. The English Lord did not care much for the Sikh hospitality however and chose to walk through the sacred precinncts with his shoes on.

The following year the English auctionedall the possessions of the Sikh kingdom except the Koh-i-Noor. The diamond was sent to England to become the most revered piece of the crown jewels.

However, the Sikhs were not at all that unhappy with the English rule. The last few Punjabi maharajas had been weak and the kingdom on the brink of collapsing. The English brought a period of peace and economic prosperity to Punjab. Not only that, the English demanded that all their new Sikh army recruits had to have a long, unshorn hair! According to Khushwant Singh, this demand was of enormous importance to preserving the Sikh identity as distinct from the Hindu which by the time was taking over the Punjabi pshyche. Had it not been for the English, Sikhism probably would have melted back into Hinduism.

History does have its odd twists. But I still think that the Koh-i-Noor belongs to Punjab. If you happen to know a petition I could sign, please let me know.